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Why College Football Sucks

August 31, 2013 by

Johnny Football Tweet

Yes college football sucks.   You won’t be able convince me otherwise.  So don’t even try.

For about 10 years, co-workers had been trying to convince me that college football is awesome. I understand the gambling aspect of it (if you are degenerate), but I need more than just being able to bet on a game to enjoy it. Maybe it’s because I grew up on Long Island? The closest Division I college football to me was probably Army, and they have been terrible for as long as I can remember. Maybe it’s because I didn’t go away to a Division I school with a football team? Ehh, that’s not it either.

The NCAA has been unable to convince me to invest in their product, for nearly 25 years because I am too smart for it. I will not, and can not, be emotionally involved in a sport that is manipulated so aggressively by 70-year-old dudes who sound and look like Bobby Boucher’s biology teacher.

College Football sucks because…

1. Instead of playing the games, they have used computers and polls to decide who the national champion is.

It has taken over 100 years for the clowns who run NCAA Football to figure out that a tournament system is the only way to determine a true National Champion. But hey, TRADITION! Screw tradition. Your friends who run NCAA Basketball have been running the greatest event in all of sports this way, and holy shit, it works! After years and years of fans and schools begging for a tournament, it’s finally here. Beginning in 2014 and continuing through the 2025 season, four teams will be chosen by a selection committee and the semifinals will be held at current bowl sites and the national championship game will be awarded to the highest bidder. Shocker. It’s about money.  The teams are selected by a committee, but at least it’s a step in the right direction.

2. Schools get to choose their non-conference schedule and pay those schools they play.

That’s right. The big schools get to pick who they play. I’m not joking. Remember back in 2007 when Appalachian State went into Michigan, a National Championship contender, and beat them? Yes, Appalachian State was paid $400,000 to come to “The Big House”. In 2011, Appalachian State and Michigan agreed to play a rematch of the game to open the 2014 season. Appalachian State will be paid $850,000 to play this game.

3. One foot in bounds is just fine.  

These types of rules really piss me off. College football is supposed to prepare you for the next level. So why not have the same rules? I know, you need to be different NCAA. If someone tells you, “Hey, stay inside the white lines!”, you would keep both feet to one side? Well the NCAA has decided that just one is enough. Which is fitting, because the NCAA has rules in place that only penalize certain schools as well.

College Football One Foot In Bounds

This is cool with the NCAA. Not cool with me. Get two feet in bounds!!!

4. Can you widen out those hash marks please?

The hash marks for college fields are 40 feet wide and start 60′ in from the sidelines. In the NFL, they are only 18′ 6″ apart. Makes sense right? There’s nothing like kicking a 25 yard field goal from the right hash mark and having to fit it in an area about as wide as a Honda Civic.

5. You better not sign any autographs for money!

But make sure you get your Officially Licensed Adidas Texas A&M #2 Jerseys for only $64.95!  Listen here mister Heisman Trophy Winner, you better even not think about profiting off of your own name before we do, understood? Now, you will sit out the first half of the game against Rice.  After that, you better go out there and throw 4 touchdown passes so we can sell more jerseys, you got it?

6. Make sure you get enough rest in those 37 days before the National Championship Game. Everyone knows that the Alabama Crimson Tide have essentially been good enough to play in the NFL for the last 5 years, so why not have them play an NFL schedule? Oh right, money. Sorry. Stupid me. I should have known that any team who finishes with a .500 record is “bowl eligible”. Gotta make sure you pack the stands for the Beef ‘O’ Brady’s Bowl. I think those 20,000 “fans” could have spent their money more wisely. Bowl game attendance is at its lowest point since 1978-79, with just north of 50,000 fans per game. The reason why the NFL does so well is because it’s not a watered down product. The NCAA needs to take a look at this and realize that 35 Bowl games are complete overkill and kills the hype for the National Championship Game.

Is there anything else that makes you think that College Football sucks?  Let me know.  Hit me up on Twitter @ttlsportsblog or drop a comment in the box below.

    Comments

  • Bill Mansfield


    This is great! The only thing I hate more than college football is having to listen to all the brilliant people who make irrational arguments why college football is better. What is exciting about a 63-10 game when you know it will be that way. At least in the NFL, blowouts are exciting, because you don’t expect them to happen!

    Seriously, though….. I swear people seem to think it makes them ultra-sophisticated and suave to say they like college football better than pro football. “Oh, but at 3 hours and 10 minutes, a pro game lasts for way too long…. Excuse me for 4 hours while I go watch Alabama beat UTEP 50-3.”

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