Free Agent Madness!

December 14, 2013 by
I'm freaking out man!!!

I’m freaking out man!!!


The MLB offseason is currently more exciting than the NBA and the NHL combined and almost as exciting as the NFL. In recent weeks free agent signings have hit the fever point as some big names have moved especially involving New York teams.   Here is a partial breakdown of the one’s a give a shit about.

1) Yankees sign Brian McCann:   McCann makes a lateral move in douchiness as he goes from the Braves to the Yankees.  5 years $90 is probably a bit much for a guy who spent some time on the DL last year and might be losing his eye sight but he was the best catcher on the market and when healthy will probably hit a ton of home runs at Yankee Stadium. More importantly for the Yankees is that he will make sure no one improperly celebrates something during a game.  GRADE: B+

2) Yankees sign Jacoby Ellsbury:  This move makes zero sense to me. The guy has played over 140 games once in the last 4 years and as only hit for power once in his career. It’s almost like Scott Boras called up the Yankees and said “Sign Ellsbury or I’ll never call you again!” and the Yankees panicked and signed him.  Hearing Ellsbury talk at his press conference yesterday it sounded like he had no idea what he was doing in New York.  “7 years $153 million is sweet deal for a guy who relies on his legs and doesn’t much power.” –  No one.     GRADE: D

3) Mets sign Curtis Granderson:  Most importantly the fanbase was able to stop foaming from the mouth for a couple of days.  This was an extremely good move for not a terrible amount of money. Although I felt like they probably could have waited a bit and only got him for 3 years but they needed to show that they’re serious about whatever it is they’re trying to be serious about. While he was hurt last year, he had two freak injuries and has been a model of health outside of that.  Also after every home run he hits this year the Wilpon’s will donate a salmon dinner to a starving child in Curtis’ name.  GRADE: A-

4) The Mariners sign Robinson Cano:  I heard Cano’s press conference the other day and like Ellsbury it sounds like he has no idea why he choose to play in Seattle.  I understand it’s hard to say no to $240 million dollars….but it’s freakin Seattle! Sure they have arguably the best pitcher in baseball but then what else do they have? They quickly signed Corey Hart (Didn’t play last year) and Logan Morrison (Sucks at baseball, overrated on Twitter) so there’s that (LOL)  but they need to make 2-3 more substantial moves in order for this make sense.  I actually applaud the Yankees here for not going crazy and getting into a dick fight with the Mariners.  They got burned by A-Rod and his 10 year contract so they don’t need to do that again. GRADE: WTF?

5) Yankees sign Carlos Beltran: Another questionable move on both ends.  Sure Beltran is still great but shouldn’t the Yankees want to get younger?  His knee problems seem to be behind him but if not the Yankees are going to have to DH him more.  But don’t they already have like 5 guys who they need to DH due to injury problems already?  If healthy, Beltran will rake but he is going to be 37 so a decline is coming in the next 3 years.  GRADE:  C+

6) Mets sign Bartolo Colon:  This move came out of nowhere. I had heard the Mets were talking to him but that usually means that they asked how much he cost and went “Oh, hey what’s that over there?” and ran away.  But the Mets actually grew some balls and signed this guy at a relatively reasonable price. Yes he’s going to be 41 and he’s fat and his arm is part stem cell but he was fantastic last year and realistically they only need him for a year.  If he sucks in the 2nd year of his contract they should have enough pitching depth to be able to banish him to Shake Shack. So after some back and forth  I have decided I mostly approve of this deal. GRADE: B

What Colon does on off days.

What Colon does on off days.


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