he 2013/2014 Mets plans, by #MetsTwitterGM @hey_its_don
Written and edited by @fromheretoLI, because Don is a moron (I do not agree with anything written in this)
As General Manager of the New York Mets, there are many moves necessary to become a playoff contender while also staying within a reasonable and realistic payroll range. First and foremost, the Mets need a leadoff hitter and a shortstop. Clearly, my suggestion here would be to bring back my favorite Met and sparkplug, Jose Reyes. By trading Wilmer Flores and Rafael Montero and having the Toronto Blue Jays eat $50 million, #7 can and will be back in Queens.
Next would be to trade away Daniel Murphy. He’s trash. He’s a bum. He can’t hit, play defense, or run the bases well. Send him to the Angels for Peter Borgouis. He’s a decent centerfielder and we need that. The Mets have plenty of starting pitching, so send Dillon Gee and Lucas Duda, both of whom are trash, to the Baltimore Orioles for Jonathan Schoop. Most of you have no clue who Schoop is, so use my favorite search engine, Google, to check him out.
Two more trades to go: send Bobby Parnell to the Red Sox for third basemen Will Middlebrooks. He will play first for us. He sucked in 2013 so he’ll be easy to snag and he will DEFINITELY turn it around at Citi Field… which is not as hard to hit at as Fenway Park. Lastly, send Marlon Byrd and Scott Rice to the San Francisco Giants for 24 year old outfielder Gary Brown. He is their top prospect.
Carlos Beltran will be a free agent. Sign him. Bring him back to Queens. He and Reyes will be fire. Also, sign Jacoby Ellsbury. He’s having a down year, so he’ll probably be cheap.
Management and front office wise— Fire Terry Collins and promote Wally Backman. Also, Sandy should resign after making all of these moves.
The 2014 lineup should look like: Reyes (ss) – Ellsbury (lf) – Wright (3b) – Beltran (rf) – Middlebrooks (1b) –d’Arnaud (c ) – Bourgois (cf) – Schoop/Young (2b) – Pitcher.
That’s how you win. I’m sleep tho. Also, who needs a bullpen?