The 20 Athlete Royal Rumble

With the WWE’s Royal Rumble coming up this weekend, I always imagined which twenty present day athletes would I want to see in a Royal Rumble. There are the easy ones like Zedeno Chara, Prince Fielder, Metta World Peace, and Jon Jones. But to round out my twenty, I’d need to diversify my portfolio. I wouldn’t just pick the biggest and baddest dudes on the block, because we all know that Ric Flair wasn’t exactly either one of those.

Traditionally speaking, the Royal Rumble has thirty participants. Midway through the event, there are usually about ten dudes in the ring and there is nowhere for anyone to move. That’s why I’ve cut it down to twenty. These are big, world-class athletes, who need space to roam. So in no particular order, here is my twenty athlete Royal Rumble field.

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1. Kyle Farnsworth – MLB Pitcher

At 6’4″, Kyle Farnsworth is a pretty big dude. Judging by the beatdown he delivered to Paul Wilson back in 2003, “The Farnz” would last a pretty long time in the Royal Rumble

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2. Joba Chamberlain – MLB Pitcher

Ever since “Jobber” (As legendary NY radio talk show host Mike Francesca likes to tall him) came into the league, I’ve thought that he resembled old school WWF “jobber’ The Brooklyn Brawler.

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3. Jon “Bones” Jones – MMA Fighter

Pound for pound, Jones may be the best MMA fighter on the planet. Do you really wanna mess with this dude? From his UFC.com bio page: “Fighting me is bad for your career, it’s going to be bad for your image”.

4. LaRon Landry – NFL Saftey

This pic of Landry surfaced a few years ago during the off season. He has since followed it up with dozens of other shirtless pics to show off his absurd muscles. Oh yea, and he’s made a YouTube workout vid in his spare time.

5. Ray Emery – NHL Goalie

NHL goaltender Ray Emery is a straight up badass. I’ll save you the time and you can just click here for some awesome videos of Ray fighting anyone and everyone.

6. Rob Gronkowski – NFL Tight End

“Gronk” is a ridiculous physical specimen. At 6’6″ and 265 lbs, he is one of the biggest athletes on this list. Unfortunately due to injuries sustained last year and this year, Gronk wasn’t at the top of his game. But if he were ever to step in the squared circle, heads would be busted.

7. Prince Fielder – MLB first baseman

Prince Fielder reminds me of The Godfather. A rather large dude who was actually pretty athletic. At 5’10” and nearly 300 lbs, Fielder is the type of guy who could plow dudes over the top rope.

8. Metta World Peace – NBA Forward

Any NBA player that is gonna go into the stands like the artist formerly known as Ron Artest, would make it into my Royal Rumble. Stephen Jackson would be Artest’s manager.

9. Zdeno Chara – NHL defenseman

At 6’9″ and 255 lbs, Chara is the largest man ever to play in the NHL. Combining his skill and strength, I think he could give giants of the WWE like The Undertaker, Kane and The Big Show, a run for their money.

10. Ronda Rousey – MMA Fighter

Ronda Rousey is the best women’s MMA fighter in the world. At 5’6″ and 135 lbs, she’s the smallest competitor in this Royal Rumble. Just fact that she’s broken Misha Tate’s arm in a match scares the living shit out of me.

11. Richard Sherman – NFL Cornerback

Richard Sherman of the Seattle Seahawks made himself a household name last Sunday night after his spectacular game ending play against the 49ers. Wait, it wasn’t the play that made him a household name? Oh right, it was the greatest WWE mic audition of all time.

12. Mariusz Pudzianowski – MMA/Strong Man

Mariusz is a former 5x World’s Strongest Man competition winner and recently turned MMA fighter. Standing at 6’1″ and 310 lbs, the dude is massive. He can bench 640 lbs, squat 859 lbs and deadlift 947 lbs. AFter retiring from strongman competitions in 2009, Pudzianowski has been competing in the KSW. Which is widely considered to be the premiere MMA organization in Poland. Honestly, are you really gonna F–K with this guy?

See also Hook’s NFL Week 1 Wrap-Up

13. Masahiro Tanaka

On Wednesday Masahiro Tanaka signed a 7 year, $155 million contract to pitch for the New York Yankees. At 6’2″ and 205 lbs, Tanaka has an average build for a MLB pitcher. So why is he in this Royal Rumble? Because every rumble has a new, up and coming guy that no one knows about. And Tanaka is just that guy. All we’ve seen is YouTube clips and a 24-0 record.

14. Floyd Mayweather – Boxer

“Money” Mayweather has been dominating the boxing scene for almost 20 years. With an undefeated 45-0 record, Mayweather may go down in boxing history as one of the greatest ever. At 5’8″ and around 154 lbs, Mayweather is very small compared to the other participants in the Royal Rumble. He’s barely bigger than Ronda Rousey. But Mayweather knows how to play the crowd and could use that as an advantage.

15. Alex Rodgiguez – MLB Third baseman

You didn’t think he’d be left out, did you? While serving a season long suspension for his participation in the Biogenesis scandal, A-Rod needs some motivation to stay in shape and not further the growth of his so-called “bitch tits”. A-Rod would be the classic WWE superstar. Face one moment, heel the next. His subtle awkwardness in front of the camera and on the mic would be legendary. Hopefully his surgically repaired hips will be strong enough to flip some opponents over the top rope.

16. Brandon Jacobs – NFL Running back

The 6’4″ 265 lb Jacobs always tried to come off as the biggest and baddest guy on the block. Anyone who is a New York Giants fan, or was forced to watch them on a weekly basis, knows that he’s the biggest fake tough guy in the NFL. Although physically intimidating looking, Jacobs was always soft. But hey, if he falls forward for a 1 yard TD run when the Giants were down by 3 scores, he’d be the first to let you know about it. While writing this article, I just noticed that he retired. 31 years old and retired due to being soft. That’s pretty much Jacobs in a nutshell.