I’ve seen several reports across the internet contemplating the addition of a “4-point line” to NBA courts, which would effectively take pro basketball one step closer to MTV’s Rock N’ Jock Basketball rules. Seriously? A 4-pointer? Why is this even being discussed?
If you’ve never heard of MTV’s Rock N’ Jock basketball game, you were born in the 90’s or later and are too busy hash-tagging everything you write because fuck it, YOLO, right? Let me fill you in. In 1991, MTV hosted it’s First Annual Rock N’ Jock B-Ball Jam, where athletes and pop-culture icons would hit the hardwood in an All-Star game of sorts that gave way to incredible images like the one of Urkel splitting the Fresh Prince and Reggie Miller you see above. The game was aired on MTV every year until 1997 (why the hell did they stop?) and featured a 25-foot high 25-point basket that would come into play at a certain point in the game, totally rendering traditional buckets near-meaningless. Later versions of the game would feature a 50-point basket… oh wait a minute! Now I remember why they stopped playing the annual Rock N’ Jock B-Ball game… because the addition of an even more ridiculous way to score made the game lose all appeal. No one wanted to watch people hoisting a basketball way up in the air and missing on every single possession at the end of the game.
That’s exactly what would happen if the NBA instituted a 4-point basket. Morons like JR Smith would start launching 4-pointers until their shoulders wore out and wrists couldn’t flick a basketball anymore. The pure sound of the ball ricocheting off the backboard/rim would be torturous to the crowd’s ears to the point where noise-cancellation headphones would no longer be an urban fashion accessory but a necessity to attend all games. Airballs upon air-balls would be launched by everyone not named Steph Curry, and Jimmer Fredette would be the most sought-after free agent in the league. The game wouldn’t be a display of skill, but a circus act.
So just stop it. Stop the 4-point line talk. Because if such a scoring option is added, what’s next? NBA Jam style hot-spots?
