A Day In The Life Of Scott Boras

Because no one asked for it……a look at a day in the life of of super agent Scott Boras.  (All of this is completely fictional…probably/hopefully)

7:00 AM Wakes up in his baseball glove shaped bed that is filled with money.

7:30 AM Eats breakfast which consists of unborn baby placenta.

8:00 AM  Watches various finance shows and exclaims “I could have negotiated a better deal” during every story.

8:30 AM Wakes up Stephen Drew and Kendrys Morales who are sleeping in a bunk bed in his guest room.

8:40 AM  Checks his email to see if anyone has made any offers for Drew or Morales.

8:42 AM  Tells Drew and Morales that he has several offers for both of them.  They are excited.

9:15 AM  Calls Robinson Cano and hangs up as soon as he answers.

9:30 AM  Gets a call from Jay-Z telling him never to call Robinson Cano again.

10:15 AM  Drops off Stephen Drew and Kendrys Morales at the local playground.

10:30 AM Calls A-Rod and hangs up as soon as he answers.

11:30 AM  Yells at a bunch of doctors about Matt Harvey’s elbow not yet being healed even though they had nothing to do with the situation.

11:45 AM  Writes some confusing jokes about the Mets.

12:30 PM Eats lunch which consists of an uncooked lobster with the rubber bands still around it’s claws.

1:15 PM Picks up Stephen Drew and Kendrys Morales, takes them for ice cream.

2:00 PM  Stops by Angel Stadium in Anaheim and checks on his seats. Stands over them angrily for 15 minutes.

2:15 PM Tells Angels ownership that the team name is confusing and that it might scare away future free agents.

2:17 PM Offers to renegotiate the naming of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

2:18 PM Is asked to leave the stadium.

2:21 PM Returns to car only to find that Kendrys Morales has passed out from heat exhaustion.

3:00 PM Returns home, puts Kendrys in the pool. Gives Stephen Drew more ice cream.

3:30 PM Randomly remembers getting the Mets to sign Oliver Perez for $36 million. Laughs uncontrollably for 20 minutes.

4:15 PM Watches a local high school baseball game and hands out business cards  to every kid that does something well.

5:30 PM Leaves a flaming bag of poo on Robinson Cano’s doorstep.

6:00 PM Eats dinner with his wife, she asks how his day was. He demands she pay a conversation fee before continuing.

6:30 PM Attempts to write a diss song about Jay- Z….it doesn’t rhyme at all.

7:00 PM Lets Stephen Drew and Kendrys Morales watch an hour of television.

7:30 PM Prays to a picture of J.D Drew, hoping that he will bring him some new souls….or clients.

8:00 PM Gets a call from Jay-Z, doesn’t answer it.

8:15 PM Fires all his housemaids but quickly re-hires them for lesser amounts of money.

8:30 PM Stephen Drew asks him what teams are interested in him. Boras mumbles some names inaudibly. Drew leaves confused.

9:30 PM Puts Stephen Drew and Kendrys Morales to bed. Tells them they both had a great day at the plate.

9:45 PM Doorbell rings. Opens the door, it’s a flaming bag of poo.  Has one of the maids clean it up but only after he renegotiates her contract for more money.

10:00 PM Puts on a black cloak and goes to bed.   Tomorrow is another busy day.