Because no one asked for it……a look at a day in the life of of super agent Scott Boras. (All of this is completely fictional…probably/hopefully)
7:00 AM Wakes up in his baseball glove shaped bed that is filled with money.
7:30 AM Eats breakfast which consists of unborn baby placenta.
8:00 AM Watches various finance shows and exclaims “I could have negotiated a better deal” during every story.
8:30 AM Wakes up Stephen Drew and Kendrys Morales who are sleeping in a bunk bed in his guest room.
8:40 AM Checks his email to see if anyone has made any offers for Drew or Morales.
8:42 AM Tells Drew and Morales that he has several offers for both of them. They are excited.
9:15 AM Calls Robinson Cano and hangs up as soon as he answers.
9:30 AM Gets a call from Jay-Z telling him never to call Robinson Cano again.
10:15 AM Drops off Stephen Drew and Kendrys Morales at the local playground.
10:30 AM Calls A-Rod and hangs up as soon as he answers.
11:30 AM Yells at a bunch of doctors about Matt Harvey’s elbow not yet being healed even though they had nothing to do with the situation.
11:45 AM Writes some confusing jokes about the Mets.
12:30 PM Eats lunch which consists of an uncooked lobster with the rubber bands still around it’s claws.
1:15 PM Picks up Stephen Drew and Kendrys Morales, takes them for ice cream.
2:00 PM Stops by Angel Stadium in Anaheim and checks on his seats. Stands over them angrily for 15 minutes.
2:15 PM Tells Angels ownership that the team name is confusing and that it might scare away future free agents.
2:17 PM Offers to renegotiate the naming of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.
2:18 PM Is asked to leave the stadium.
2:21 PM Returns to car only to find that Kendrys Morales has passed out from heat exhaustion.
3:00 PM Returns home, puts Kendrys in the pool. Gives Stephen Drew more ice cream.
3:30 PM Randomly remembers getting the Mets to sign Oliver Perez for $36 million. Laughs uncontrollably for 20 minutes.
4:15 PM Watches a local high school baseball game and hands out business cards to every kid that does something well.
5:30 PM Leaves a flaming bag of poo on Robinson Cano’s doorstep.
6:00 PM Eats dinner with his wife, she asks how his day was. He demands she pay a conversation fee before continuing.
6:30 PM Attempts to write a diss song about Jay- Z….it doesn’t rhyme at all.
7:00 PM Lets Stephen Drew and Kendrys Morales watch an hour of television.
7:30 PM Prays to a picture of J.D Drew, hoping that he will bring him some new souls….or clients.
8:00 PM Gets a call from Jay-Z, doesn’t answer it.
8:15 PM Fires all his housemaids but quickly re-hires them for lesser amounts of money.
8:30 PM Stephen Drew asks him what teams are interested in him. Boras mumbles some names inaudibly. Drew leaves confused.
9:30 PM Puts Stephen Drew and Kendrys Morales to bed. Tells them they both had a great day at the plate.
9:45 PM Doorbell rings. Opens the door, it’s a flaming bag of poo. Has one of the maids clean it up but only after he renegotiates her contract for more money.
10:00 PM Puts on a black cloak and goes to bed. Tomorrow is another busy day.