MLB Draft Day to the 5 people who give a crap. All I know is the Astros drafted a guy who will probably be in the major leagues by September, the Mets drafted a guy who probably already sucks, and the Yankees drafted a guy who kind of looks like a douche bag.
It’s just over two months into the 2014 baseball season and this is usually around the time where you can start to draw conclusions about teams and honestly the only conclusions I can draw is that any team playing in the eastern divisions with the bizarre exception of the Toronto Blue Jays, stinks. The National League overall kind of stinks, and every pitcher ever has had Tommy John Surgery. I suggested somewhere that pitchers should remove their ulnar collateral ligaments early in their career and develop the knuckleball just to stop Tommy John in his sick tracks. But that’s crazy, isn’t it?
Why are the Blue Jays so good? Because the rest of the division is horrible and they have a sick lineup and a pitching staff led by Mark Buerhle who hasn’t been good in like five years but I guess he was due. The Yankees would be under .500 if it wasn’t for Masahiro Tanaka, who at this point is probably feeling so disgusted with the rest of his team that’s he’s going to sneak out of the hotel one night while the Yankees are on the road and fly back to Japan.
Oh no, not again!!!
Over in the N.L east, nobody really wants to run away with the division so they’re just going to go ahead and call it a draw. The Phillies are absolutely awful, their rotation has a guy in it that changes his named every two years and Cole Hamels can’t seem to stop sweating. The Marlins looked like a potential surprise team but then they lost Jose Fernandez for the season and now they’re back to being the Marlins. The Braves will probably win the division by default but they will be disqualified from the postseason after the third inning of their first playoff game because everyone knows they’re just wasting their time. The Mets fired their hitting coach and should probably keep firing people until there is no left to fire and then watch as the players try to make their own lineups and pitching changes. This whole division is a dumpster fire. At least the A.L. East still has a chance.
This has to be stopped!
Hey Mets fans, remember when they faced the Rockies and they looked like the best team baseball? Well guess what? They’re currently three games under .500. This happens every year, the Rockies get off to this is insane start before vanishing into thin air…literally! How do teams keep falling for this? The Rockies season should just end after May 10 to help build the city’s confidence. Also get rid of Dinger (Featured above), when I think of Colorado I don’t even remotely think of dinosaurs. He looks like the love child of Barney and Baby Bop. Frightening.
Baseball Power Rankings as of June 6th
1. Oakland Athletics: Billy Beane and his fake stats own you all!
2. San Francisco Giants: Is Barry Zito still there?
3. Milwaukee Brewers: That Mark Reynolds/Lyle Overbay 1st base platoon really works!
4. Toronto Blue Jays: Jose Bautista follows everyone on twitter.
5. Detroit Tigers: I’m sure they LOL’d at Prince Fielder getting hurt.
6. Seattle Mariners: So far Robinson Cano doesn’t regret his decision.
7. Anaheim Angels: Magic Johnson is trying to buy them too.
8. Miami Marlins: Better get good before they have to trade everybody again.
9. Chicago White Sox: Jose Abreu has 43 home runs already.
10. Atlanta Braves: The best mediocre team in baseball.