We all know about how Bill Russell is one of the greatest winners in all of sports with 11 championships during his 13 year career. Those 11 rings ties Henri Richard in the NHL for the most championships won by a single player in any North American sport. We also know how much of an undercover bad ass he was off the court considering the fact that he used to take Wilt Chamberlain out for dinner before games in order to soften him up. He was the first black head coach in any North American sport, a social activist, and there’s a very good chance that he could be God. But did you also know that Bill Russell was also Vince Carter from the year 2000.
Yep, apparently Skynet sent a terminator into the past to masquerade as one of the best basketball players of all time and then travel to the year 2000 to jump over and emasculate a 7 foot 2 inch French guy named Frederic.
What? You don’t believe me? Let me provide you with Exhibit A:
Shizz is cray, right? I mean, what kind of superhuman athlete jumps over someone and, in the immortal words of Gus Johnson, gets buckets?
Bill effing Russell. That’s who. Here is Exhibit B:
Whoa. Look at Bill Russell effortlessly and majestically jump over the white dude like he was just a hurdle….as if he were meant to be jumped over. Now look at the white dude. He’s all like “I don’t want nuts in my face. Am I the first recorded posterization of all time? Am I the first incarnation of Timofey Mozgov? Is it possible to completely disappear? Oh wait, I don’t have to worry about any of these things because I’m still white during the 1950’s.”
So just to summarize everything: Skynet sent a terminator to 1956 in the form of Bill Russell to dunk over white people. Then he masquerades as Vince Carter during the 2000 Olympics to do the same thing. We then flash to the present day where Terminators have taken the basketball talents and skills of Charles Barkley, Muggsy Bogues, Shawn Bradley, Patrick Ewing, and Larry Johnson. Michael Jordan enlists the help of a rag-tag group of Looney Toons characters in order to save basketball in the present day with a little help from Bill Murray (who provided assistance from beyond the grave because he was shot down by the owner of Facebook.).
Any questions?
