DeShawn Stevenson is currently a member of the NBA free agency pool. He was cut by the Hawks this preseason because at this point of his career, he’s a bum.

But that wasn’t always the case.

Coming out of high school, Stevenson was one of the most highly touted prospects…ever.

One NBA Prospect scouting service even went so far to compare Stevenson’s game to Michael Jordan’s game.

This isn’t a joke. said that Stevenson’s NBA comparison was the GOAT himself.


In hindsight, we all know that Stevenson’s career didn’t amount to one-one hundredth of MJ’s career. But how did even come up with that comparison?

Look at what they listed as his strengths.

Special Player – What does that even mean? Every player is special in his own sense. That’s about as vague of a description as they come.

Extremely Gifted Athlete – Has anyone seen Stevenson the past few seasons? The guy is fat! At Nets games a few years back, the fans would chant “Pillsbury Dough Boy” when he checked into the game!

This picture doesn't do Stevenson justice. The Dough Boy chants came for a reason!

This picture doesn’t do Stevenson justice. The Dough Boy chants came for a reason!

Great Ball Handler – Okay, got something sort of right. While Stevenson isn’t a great ball handler, he does have some nice moves. Here’s the best move of his career back with the Nets…but of course, he missed the jumper after.

Very Advanced Shooter and Scorer – Yeah, okay. For his career, Stevenson has a 7.2 points per game average and shoots a whopping 40% from the floor. His career 34% 3-point percentage doesn’t WOW either.

Show Stopper – Not exactly sure what this means, but there isn’t a snow balls chance in hell anyone is stopping to see Stevenson play a game of one-on-one right now.

Can Play the 1 or the 2 – Oh really? Stevenson can play point guard? That explains 1.6 assists per game average he’s racked up over his 13-year NBA career. He’s really opening up a lot of shots for his teammates.

Won The McDonald’s High School Dunk Contest – This is the truth. Stevenson did win the McDonald’s All American Game Dunk Contest, but he hasn’t had a semi-athletic dunk in the past half-decade.

Super Character – No one has said this about Stevenson since this scouting report was published in 2000.

As NBA Ready As Any High Schooler – Well no duhh. The site is comparing him to Michael Jordan. He better be NBA ready.


It’s easy to say now that Stevenson’s career is over, but this scouting report may be the WORST scouting report in the history of sports. Seriously, everything predicted Stevenson would do went wrong.

Instead of becoming the next MJ, DeShawn became the next Pillsbury Dough Boy. Isn’t it funny how things work out?

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