Metta World Peace may have lost his mind on Twitter today. He started tweeting out his platform and stuff he’d do if he was the president of the United States along with pictures of his head on Barack Obama’s body. I mean, he’s done some weird ass stuff before but what is happening here?
pic.twitter.com/fwpwXFy4nn I’m bipartisan
— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) April 2, 2014
You’re bi-something. That’s for sure.
pic.twitter.com/fwpwXFy4nn “Oh Yes We Can”
— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) April 2, 2014
Wait! What can you? And do I need to take precautions?
pic.twitter.com/fwpwXFy4nn Cereal for everyone
— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) April 2, 2014
The man stands for equality. Move over, Hilary Rodham Clinton.
pic.twitter.com/fwpwXFy4nn Watermelon for black people
— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) April 2, 2014
Wait, that’s not fair. I like Watermelons as well!
pic.twitter.com/fwpwXFy4nn Salad and bread for white people
— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) April 2, 2014
Well, I can live with that.
pic.twitter.com/fwpwXFy4nn Rice for Latino and Asian people
— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) April 2, 2014
Don’t pigeonhole me!
pic.twitter.com/fwpwXFy4nn Fathers for fatherless people
— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) April 2, 2014
Awwwwwwwww! Metta luh the kids!
pic.twitter.com/fwpwXFy4nn Chicken for black people also. Fried
— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) April 2, 2014
Hold the hell up! Fried chicken belongs to everyone! I LOVE FRIED CHICKEN DAMMIT! This is patently unfair. Also, you gave black people something already!
pic.twitter.com/fwpwXFy4nn Rainbow ice cream for gay people
— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) April 2, 2014
Finally! Someone the LGBT community can rally around.
pic.twitter.com/fwpwXFy4nn I’ll have an in house therapist for also. So you can trust in my judgment. I will not get emotional and things
— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) April 2, 2014
I’m not sure this is even English. I’m going to be honest though. I was worried about the “and things” part. This tweet put those worries to rest.
pic.twitter.com/fwpwXFy4nn Vote now. I need all the electricity votes
— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) April 2, 2014
The what votes?!
pic.twitter.com/fwpwXFy4nn Sorry, I mean , electoral votes
— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) April 2, 2014
Oh, whew! I was starting to think Metta had completely lost his marbles. Good to know it was only a simple mistake.
pic.twitter.com/fwpwXFy4nn 5 days off per week for lazy people , with pay
— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) April 2, 2014
Hell yes! I’m down with this. I’m sure there is some sound reasoning as to why this won’t decimate our economy.
Oh yea. One more thing
— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) April 2, 2014
Weird people will be normal and normal people will be weird
— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) April 2, 2014
Luckily for me, I already feel this way. I still think Metta is the exception to this rule. He just might be normal. Or weird. I don’t even know anymore. I’m lost.
EDIT: HE’S STILL GOING!
pic.twitter.com/fwpwXFy4nn Baby sitters for rachet moms
— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) April 2, 2014
He’s on to something here. The world definitely needs this.
pic.twitter.com/fwpwXFy4nn No more doggy kid collars. Kids will not be pets.
— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) April 2, 2014
I started doing this to prove that Metta went insane but he’s starting to make a lot of sense. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
pic.twitter.com/fwpwXFy4nn I will pass a bill that will improve relationships. Long Distance Remote Control Doggy Collars for men. Spyware
— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) April 2, 2014
Nope. This is where you lost me. This is just insane. Do you know what you’re saying?!?
pic.twitter.com/fwpwXFy4nn Barber jail for barbers who push hairlines back .”Something must be done”
— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) April 2, 2014
I feel like Chiwetel Ejiofor would agree with this.
pic.twitter.com/fwpwXFy4nn I will be allowed to hit the club and buy bottles with tax payer money once per month.
— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) April 2, 2014
The country will go broke.
