Mets Fans: Your Opening Day Outrage Is Dumb

Why you hate me?

Bartolo Colon (Who probably won’t be on the Mets come August) will be your Opening Day starter for 2015.  Guess what? I don’t give a crap and neither should you. Opening Day is meaningless and you need to stop raging about it.  Read a book, hug your wife/kids.  This is not worth it.

I know it ‘s super exciting that Matt Harvey is back after missing an entire year but why waste him on Opening Day, in Washington, against the Nationals who are probably gonna shut down the Mets offense anyway?  So Harvey can pitch great and lose?  Oh man, I missed that!  And I also don’t care that Harvey isn’t pitching the home opener.  None of it matters. As long as he is staring every fifth day for the entirety of the season and the Mets are playing somewhat well, then that is all that matters to me.

You want to say that the Mets need to set a tone!!! Well guess what? You’re a moron. The Mets won opening day in 2012 and 2013 and went on to lose 88 games in both seasons. In fact in 2012 they won the first four games of the season, what a tone!  Let’s do some quick history, in 1984, the Mets had Mike Torrez start Opening Day.  I use Torrez as an example because to me he is a slightly shittier version of Colon. Mets got destroyed and Torrez was off the team by midseason and guess what?  They went 90-72 that season despite not setting the proper tone!!!

I went 11-22 as a Met. Who am I?

Other tidbits: People need to stop reacting to Dillon Gee replacing Zack Wheeler as if Gee is the worst pitcher in baseball history.  From May 2013 through May 2014 he was arguably your best pitcher.

Also the Mets need to get some kind of legitimate lefthanded reliever for me to feel like this is a complete team.  The definition of bold isn’t “Aggressively scout a player you need but decide against acquiring him because he costs more than $50”  (See: Brian Matusz)

And now time for some self-whoring.  If you haven’t gotten sick of those Matthew McConaughey Lincoln commercials yet, you’re in luck because I have decided to spoof them. Enjoy!