Leave it to Game Of Thrones to center an entire episode about the kids on Father’s Day. This is a TV that simply doesn’t play by the rules. “Oh, it’s Father’s Day? How about we use this episode to kill a couple of father figures?” DAMN YOU, BENIOFF AND WEISS. IS NOTHING HOLY?!? Apparently, not on Game of Thrones. On the 10th and last episode of the 4th season, it was all about the kids and letting them get a little bit of satisfaction. Well, except for the Dragons.

This means they are saving money by not having dragons next season, right? BS

This means they are saving money by not having dragons next season, right? BS

Danny Targaryen is still doing her thing where she’s appeasing everyone and trying to play Judge Joe Brown for the citizens of Mereen. A teacher wants to become a slave again and she’s like “Dude, do whatever you want”. Then some dude comes by with the charred skeleton of his daughter with the implication that Danny’s dragons breathed fire on her. Danny goes through a set of feels and realizes she needs to go a little Busta Bus on the dragons and keep them all in check. Puts a couple of the dragons that they found in some dungeon, chains up their necks while they are eating some dead livestock, and starts to leave the kids behind. When the Dragons realize what’s happening, they get all emo. I didn’t realize CGI had feelings. This is all getting to be too much. Skynet is becoming self aware.

Meanwhile, beyond the wall, Mance Rayder and Jon Snow are having a talk about a truce. All Mance wants is for his people to coexist with everyone else south of the Wall because they want to avoid what will happen to them during the winter. However, he sniffs out Jon Snow is there for his assassination. It doesn’t matter because that’s when Stannis’ army bumrushes Mance’s and Jon’s reunion like Kanye at the VMAs. Jon Snow reveals himself to Stannis (don’t be a perv) as Ned Stark’s son after which Stannis take’s Jon’s advice about taking Mance prisoner. Jon also advises him to burn all of corpses from the battle that just happened. During the burning sesh, we catch Melissandre creeping on Jon. Maybe he’ll get some cougar action. Or maybe she’ll make smoke babies with Jonny boy. Also, Jon Snow seems like he’s pretty buddy buddy with Stannis now. Stannis is creeping ever closer to King’s Landing and no one there is any wiser about it.

Meanwhile in King’s Landing, My Dear Brother Numpsey is ploting to dig his nails deeper into Tommen. Naturally, Cersei wants to protect her incest baby so she tells her dad that if she tries to do that, she’ll tell everyone that Jamie is the father. Yep. She just admitted that she was banging her brother….to her father. Most mortifying father’s day present ever? So on to the next scene where we see Cersei meet up with Jamie and thankfully there is consensual sex this time. No rape, guys. I feel like the writers of Game of Thrones is really working hard to save it’s soul. Kudos.

Not rape but still incest. Baby steps.

Not rape but still incest. Baby steps.

Later on in the episode, we see Jamie releasing Tyrion from his shackles and tells him to meet up with Varys for his escape. When Jamie parts, Tyrion decides to go on an adventure. He goes to his pop’s room to find a woman in his bed? Maybe we’ll fill our quota of Lannister rape here before he’s shipped to god knows where. He gets closer to find out that it’s Shae and that his dad has been sleeping with her….possibly for a while. Tyrion loses his marbles, they start wrestling, and then he applies the Million Dollar Dream to Shae with her necklace to choke her out.

Where's the ref? She was tapping out!

Where’s the ref? She was tapping out!

OH SNAP! IS TYRION GETTING GULLY? Oh, he’s grabbing a crossbow so I’d have to assume that yeah….he is. He goes to find Tywin dropping a deuce on the toilet. Tywin tries to use his usual psychological ploys but Tyrion’s heard enough. After Tywin called Shae a whore again (after Tyrion warned him not to do so), Tyrion delivers two shafts from his ‘bow into Tywin’s gut. Thus completing the worst Father’s Day ever for a dude. Think about it. Two of your kids tell you that they are sleeping with each other and then your dwarf son that was the cause of your wife’s dead then kills you? Yeah, that’s up there in the rankings. Top 3, at least. Tyrion finally finds Varys who puts him in a crate and then ships him UPS to I HAVE NO IDEA I’M IN AS MUCH SUSPENSE AS YOU.

I'm going to make sure I lock the door when I drop one from now on.

I’m going to make sure I lock the door when I drop one from now on.

Let’s not forget about Bran Stark. He’s in some snowy field beyond the Wall and poof, out of nowhere, there are skeleton warriors trying to kill them. Of course, Bran takes control of HODOR! and he starts to wreck shop. However, Jojen gets stabbed by a rouge skeleton warrior arm and his sister is practically bawling. Some random hippie from a music festival with a flower crown starts throwing lightning bombs at the skeleton warriors and tells the kids to get inside the cave. Hodor carries Bran in there but Jojen’s sister is still feeling some type of way. Jojen is like “Hey, girrrrrrrrrrrl. Go with them” in his best Ryan Gosling from “Drive” voice. She heads into the cave before the skeleton warriors that were chasing her can even get to her. There they find some real old dude who is supposed to be the three eyed raven. Bran, of course, must have just seen X-Men: Days of Future Past because he just wants to walk like Professor X. The old dude drops a brain bomb on everyone by telling him “Naw, bro. You’re going to learn how to fly”.

Dude, what the hell are skeleton warriors doing here? And hippies with flower crowns?

Dude, what the hell are skeleton warriors doing here? And hippies with flower crowns?

Finally, that brings us to Arya. We find her chilling near the Bloody gate while practicing swordsmanship with “Needle” when Brienne and Pod roll up. Brienne wants to know where the Bloody Gate is and Arya obliges her. The Hound comes out of the woodwork and Pod immediately recognizes him which leads Brienne to deduce that the girl that she is speaking to is Arya. Arya is cool with hanging with The Hound so she refuses to go with Brienne. The Hound becomes overprotective and so does Brienne. You know what we’re about to have ourselves here, right? A good old fashioned barnburner of a fight. The Hound immediately looks like he has an advantage but we all know in Game of Thrones that that usually means you’re about to lose. Brinne starts to go all Tyson on The Hound, complete with the biting off the ear and everything. One right cross and BOOM, the Hound is reeling and flies over a cliff that isn’t too steep but is sure to cause quite a bit of hurting. Brienne and Pod can’t find Arya anywhere….mainly because she’s a ninja now. She finds the Hound and he practically begs her for the mercy kill. Arya is too thuggish ruggish for that now though. So she leaves the Hound there acting all emo because he’s dying a slow death (maybe? Maybe he lives. We’ve seen crazier things in Game of Thrones). She finds a port and asks to be sent up North but the captain of the ship tells them that the ship is heading to Braavos. That triggers a memory of Jaqen for Arya and she requests to be on the ship to which the Captain rejects. Arya than shows the dude the coin Jaqen provided her in Season 2 and says “Valar Morghulis” and just like that, she’s treated like to a first class cruise to Braavos.

The Hound got Holyfield-ed.

The Hound got Holyfield-ed.

I really enjoyed this episode and loved this season of Game of Thrones. However, this finale has left me with questions that I need answers to! Where is Sansa and is Littlefinger tapping that? Where is Tyrion being shipped to? Is Bran going to be a level 99 Wizard? Who’s going to win between the Lannisters and Stannis? Is Danny Targareyn ever going to leave Essos? EVER?!?! Do we have to be subjected to any more of this Ramsey and Reek storyline? We will probably never find out but I can’t wait for Season 5. What are your opinions on last night’s episode?

Tumblrs, Tweets, and Observations:

– Okay, I’ve lost it:

– It might be time for Danny to watch a couple of movies:

– You know this is true: