Sharknado chainsaw

Now that the dust and sharks have settled, it’s time to give Sharknado the full recap it deserves…

This epic tale stars off pretty randomly in the middle of the ocean where a pirate-like guy is making some shady deal. This ends up having nothing to do with the movie except that we see the birth of the hurricane that would later destroy Los Angeles. Yes, I know the title was ‘Sharknado’, but it starts as a hurricane, bear with me here.

Steve Sanders is some washed up surfer who owns a beach side bar. His lead bartender, Nova, Steve’s Australian friend and the dad from ‘Home Alone’ are the regulars. They first get word of the storm, but believe it to be nothing major. Of course, this is when all hell breaks loose. The storm rolls in, dumping sharks everywhere, including inside the bar, Nova kills it with pool stick and the gang takes off for safety.

They are trying to save Steve Sanders’ daughter and ex-wife, Tara Reid. They reach her house, where Tara Reid’s new boyfriend is a total douche. He tries to be the man, but when he falls into the now flooded house, he is eaten in an epic scene where we see blood everywhere, bones flying around, and limbs being torn. This is perhaps where the best line of the movie is delivered, but the Australian guy: while looking at the blood filled, waist high water he says “looks like it was that time of the month”. I’m sure some female viewers were turned off and male viewers may have thrown up a bit.

So Steve, Nova, the Australian, Tara Reid and their daughter are on the run to find Steve’s son…because of course there’s another kid they need to save. While driving to save him they come across a school bus full of kids. Steve’s son wasn’t in the bus, but he did have a full set of repelling gear (who doesn’t?) and he saves all of the kids and the creepy bus driver (someone please do a background check on him).

Once on land, you might think they were safe, but if you thought that, you obviously weren’t paying attention. The letters from the Hollywood sign coming blowing towards them and with ‘Matrix’ like skills, everyone dodges the letters…except for the Y, which kills the bus driver…good, he was probably a kid toucher.

Sharknado tornado

This is where they see the tornado forming…yes over an hour in we have our first tornado. They keep driving to save Matt, Steve’s son, and wouldn’t you know, the truck breaks down and explodes. Next stop? The liquor store. I swear Tara Reid needed a drink, but they pick up supplies (I swear she picked a pregnancy test off the shelf). They end up commandeering a Hummer and are back in business until they get stuck at a traffic stop. So instead of waiting around, they blast through a police check point, and are only able to escape a police motorcycle with the help of NOS, because of course the Hummer has NOS.

They end up reaching Matt and survive a tornado surge. They gear up with homemade bombs they intend on throwing into the tornado and chainsaws to fend off sharks. During this moment of tension Matt, who’s obviously Steve Sanders’ son, hits on Nova. They swap scar stories and shark tales…real romantic.

They devise a (fool proof) plan where Matt and Nova will fly a helicopter into the tornado while Steve, Tara Reid and the Australian stay on land. Once in the air and blowing up tornadoes, sharks begin to rain down on the city. Steve who’s equipped with a chainsaw cuts one in half, long ways, that’s flying towards him. Yes you read that right he cut it in half, like a surgeon.

Sadly, this is where we lose two key characters. The Australian guy sacrifices himself, because no one really knows where he came from and he doesn’t have a family. Nova, sadly, is killed when she tries to fend off a shark and gets thrown right into a shark’s mouth.
Matt lands the helicopter, and shares the bad news about Nova, but they still have to destroy the final tornado. Steve does so successfully by ghost riding the Hummer full of bombs into it…with the help of one last burst of NOS.

Now that the tornadoes are dead, sharks are raining from the sky. Steve is able to push his daughter out of the way from one, but an even bigger shark is coming straight for him. Jump out of the way? No sir. He jumps INTO the shark, with a chainsaw. I guess this kills in, but what about Steve? Oh, he just cuts himself out of the shark…mind blown right? Wait for it…he comes out with NOVA! It couldn’t be, but it was!

Sharknado GIF Steve Sanders

Once she comes to, and everyone shares an embrace, the heroes walk off into the sunset, knowing they saving LA.

Like I said, in my previous post, the movie was terrible enough to make it awesome, and I for one, hope there is a Sharknado 2! What do you think? Let me know in the comments section.